Card Canyon Hike

Blessed be to The Lord because he created the most beautiful hike in the world! My favorite place. A place where I can feel so much peace and love for nature and The Lord. It's a place I go to when I need space away from the world. This world is so hard and being away from it if only for a few short hours is a trip I'm willing to take every chance I get. It's helped me realize the importance of the simple stuff. The little things that will matter later later on in life. I'm so grateful for it! I'm so grateful I've discovered a solstice peaceful place for myself to get closer to the Lord.

     So many things have happened these last few weekends that I really haven't had a chance to write them down. I'll do that if not for anyone else than for myself so I can look back and remember these moments.

1. I'm turning in my Mission papers

2. I got to skype my brother (he's in Ireland on his mission)

3. My love life is nothing

4. I'm moving back to layton

     Neat experience that I had leading towards my final decision to serve The Lord. I was hope for Easter weekend and my mom is a ward mission leader or something like that, so she works with the sister missionaries a lot. Well they called Saturday morning to see if my mom would go teaching with them, but she wasn't home. I wasn't even thinking about this before I said it, but I just got this feeling and thought that I should volunteer myself to go with them if they couldn't find anyone. So I did so and I know it was the spirit directing me to the answers to my questions. I didn't hear back from them, but they showed up at my house as my cousin was visiting with me. It was really awkward at first...then I got over if and changed my attitude. I was so sxcited to go with them. At this point I think it was the spirit that I was feeling and I just wanted to keep that. Ha the lesson was a total faile! The old grouchy neighbor of mine was too prideful and attacking the sister missionaries that I was getting really upset with him. So one of the sister's just cut the lesson after 30+ minutes of him ranting on and on about different religions, books that we should read, movies that we NEED to go see, and debates ( more him debating with himself). Boy did I get really fired up with him. 

     It was a great experience none the less. Walking out I felt really excited about serving and possibility going on a mission. The closer we got to my house the more I knew that's what I wanted to do and it's what The Lord wanted me to do. I prayed about it the next day and I didn't really get any feeling happy warm fuzzy feeling. I didn't get an immediate answer. It's because I went to The Lord with an answer that I already knew was right, but I just needed to pray if for no other reason than to talk and connect with The Lord. I'd gotten out of doing that. I did it every once in awhile, not all the time. And I think I needed to realize that. 

     

     So I told my mother the next day and she was super excited for me. I cried while I was telling her. For fear that she wouldn't be excited for me. And more because I knew what I was telling her was right and that I needed to do it. I felt overwhelmed with the spirit. I felt loved radiating all around me. From my mom, the Lord, and those in spirit that was around supporting me with my decision. I'm so grateful for the power of prayer! I have more to learn and I'm going to because I want to. 

Fat. Overweight. Why?

     The last few weekends that I've gone home I've gotten the comments like "you look great! Have you lost weight?" Or "you've lost weight! That's great!" and if they hadn't been my mom's friends I would have punched them in the face! I was baffled and taken off guard because they were acting, in a sense, as the media about how everyone, women especially, need to look a certain way physically. Toned and in shape skinny.

     I started thinking " was I really fat before?, did people really see me as a little bigger?, Was I really fat??" I never had any problems with my own body image. EVER!! But those few weeks/days after I heard those comments I sure felt and thought that I was fat, ugly, and overweight. At firsts I didn't let it big me, because I never cared about what people saw the physical side of me. 

     I worked out because I wanted to. Not because I wanted to look like someone the media and culture threw in my face. I worked out because I love to feel good about myself. And I was more positive than negative. I did it for myself. 

     I felt really low about myself for a bit. Then I talked to my mother and she said, "you look toned and built. I noticed that the other day." Then she said " growing up you were always smart because you never cared about your weight. I think it would be wise of you to continue that way." My mom hit it nail on. I took her words and ran with if rather than what people or media had to say.   

     I got out of my self-absorbed body image issue then. I didn't care what anyone else thought of my weight, so why should I care now?!? I love myself for my body, intellect and all the many problems that comes with being Martina. It really bugged me until I came to the conclusion that I am who I am and what the norm says or thinks about what I should look like doesn't matter to me and it shouldn't too you either. I still weigh the same as I did when I was a freshman and it's because I'm comfortable being myself in my own skin. Because of other curricular activities, rock climbing, I've gained muscle without even realizing it. It's shaped me and I didn't notice it and that wasn't even my goal. I workout and I do physical activities because I LOVE to. Not because media or society tell me to so I can get a  perfect body. I was never one to care what people thought of my body image. I sure don't have any intention to do so now nor do I  in the near future. I wasn't going to EVER again! 

     For most it's easier said than done. All becaus of the media and the culture we are surrounded by. The media get women feeling insecure and bad about their body because they put out this fantasy image of what every women should look like, act like, shape like and be like. That stuff is thrown in every direction at fast speeds. So there's going to be pressure and expecations from the media and even more from ourselves. And some people have a hard time with that expectation.  It got me thinking about how most girls go through trouble with body image. I wish that wasn't such a huge problem in society today. But It's a very common problem we have to deal with. In a culture where we are being hit with garbage about what a perfect body is, especially girls, we degrade ourselves and pull our own self image and esteem down to nothing. Where we starve ourselves and work our body's so hard it's unhealthy emotionally menatally and physically. It stops us from eating the right nutrients, from getting the rest our body needs. That's when we forget that someone loves us, you, for your body, intellect and personality. And they don't like seeing us this way.  

     Society and the media have corrupted young girl's, guy's and adult's minds into thinking AND believe they are nothing because they don't look like a top of the notch model. Well guess what!? That's a bunch of BS! We can't all be that way. We are all different for a reason, because someone or many someone's love you for who you are. Love yourself for who you are. You ARE beautiful. You're life is beautiful! 

     Don't let media or anyone control what you need to be or look like. Stand against that group especially women who pull ourselves and each other down. Motivate, encourage, and accept each other and what we all are. Different. Be yourself because that's what God made you to be. Lif is beautiful! Accept yourself fully and embrace the you! 

On a completely unrelated ropic...check these pictures out from my hike in Card Canyon! They're beautiful, but not as beautiful as the actual canyon. Pictures can never really show the beauty of something like this, at least that's what I think.